| January 17, 2013

Arnold Schwarzenegger IS BACK — sort of. The action star kicks off his comeback with “The Last Stand” by playing Ray Owens, the sheriff of a sleepy border town in Arizona. After a fast and furious career as one of the LAPD’s finest, Ray is getting used to the idea of retirement … until Mexico’s most notorious cartel boss escapes federal custody with plans to head straight for the border. Guess whose small town is in the way?

CLIPS: 'The Last Stand,' 'Broken City' and 'American Idol'

Ok, if it walks like an Arnold movie (basic action plot, check), talks like an Arnold movie (corny one-liners, check), then it must be an Arnold movie, right? Not exactly. The formula is there, but for me, it’s just not the same. Let’s be honest, you never went to see a Schwarzenegger flick for the amazing acting or storytelling.

You want to see a guy who is larger than life, taking on bad guys in the most unbelievable way possible. This film had the action, and they even tried to make it believable by acknowledging Arnold’s age, but without the Mr. Olympia physique and quirky facial expressions (too much Botox, Arnie), it just wasn’t the same.

The Date Nighter Says: This is a classic wait-for-TV movie if I ever saw one. But that doesn’t mean you should surprise your date with an at-home viewing when it comes to cable. It’s best to just leave it alone.