| April 2, 2013

Are you a woman who wants to be in a committed relationship or married? If so, and you're only considering men who have never been married, you may be limiting your options.

A good segment of the male population has been married and divorced. In fact, 38.8 percent of married men divorce between the ages of 20 and 24; Twenty-two-point-three percent of men divorce between 25 and 29 years old; and 11.6 percent of men divorce between 30-34 years old.

I still believe you can find happily ever after with a divorced man. I have even seen it first-hand with many of my good friends. You just need to know what to look for.

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Is he marriage-minded?

A guy who has worked through his issues from his divorce and has healed himself is capable of committing to the right woman. He has committed before and will tend to choose better the next time around. He now knows what it takes to make a marriage succeed and will take responsibility to make things right. This guy will tend to be less self-centered and open to resolving issues that come up. If he has kids, he will tend to be more giving and nurturing.

A guy who is marriage-minded will be consistent with his behaviors and actions. He will spend time with you, call and text you during the in-between times, make plans with you in advance and talk about your future together. He will treat you with love, affection and respect. You'll meet his family and friends and he will meet yours.   

Or, is he incapable of commitment?

Don't get enamored with a divorced guy who has cheated on his ex-wife, is verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive, is going through a mid-life crisis, has a substance abuse problem with drugs and alcohol, a gambling problem, pornography addiction, equates commitment with a jail sentence, can't hold a job and/or blames his ex for his problems and divorce. This guy is not able to commit and you won't be the one to change him.

A guy who can't commit will bring up your insecurities and have you second-guessing yourself. You'll believe his words and question his actions. You may have a great time together, but not know when you'll see or hear from him next. He will come into your life and disappear, then come back only to disappear for good.

How to decide if a divorced guy is husband material or not:

If you're dating or in a relationship with a divorced guy, find out the reasons his marriage didn't work out. Know what to look for and learn whether he sees himself getting married again. Don't trust or doubt what he tells you. Instead, observe how you feel based on what he shares with you. If he's open with you in explaining what happened without blaming or talking bad about his ex, and you feel comfortable with what he's shared, he may be husband material. 

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If he's reluctant to tell you why his marriage didn't work out, or he blames his ex or you sense that he's not being honest, pay attention to how you feel inside. Chances are, you'll have a feeling of discomfort and then your mind will rationalize away this discomfort. This is a sign that he is not husband material.  

Don't judge and rule out a guy just because he's divorced. Let his behaviors, actions and the interactions you observe with his ex-wife, kids, family and friend, reveal if he's marriage-minded or unable to commit.