| February 21, 2013

Hi Diana,

My ex and I have been broken up for about five months now. It was a bad break up, but in the last few months we've stayed friends to just chit-chat. I still care about him.  I don't think I'm in love with him anymore.  Just recently, he asked about being "friends with benefits."  I'm a little hurt that he only thinks of me as a potential booty call, but at the same time I don't think of him romantically either, so I can't really be mad about it. Is there a way to go about doing this so I don't get feelings for him again?



Hi Robyn,

Do yourself a favor and stop bothering with your ex on any and all levels.  The whole idea of "a friend with benefits" seldom works, especially when the friends were once in a romantic relationship.

If you want to meet someone new, you cannot hold on to your past.  Perhaps I’m old school, but sex is extremely intimate.  You can try to convince yourself that it is purely physical, but the physical nature of sex leaves you very vulnerable … let alone how confusing it can become emotionally.  You know your ex is not the guy for you, so why continue down a relationship road that has a foreseeable dead-end?

Furthermore you should be annoyed that this guy asked you to be his "friend with benefits."  You cannot be demoted from girlfriend status to a "booty call."  It's pretty obvious that he's low-hanging fruit.  Set your sights higher for the future and remember to respect yourself first and foremost.

All the best,