| August 14, 2012

When you know, you know. At least, that’s what everyone says when it comes to finding love. But experts say it’s just as easy to realize when someone isn’t Mr. Right.


Knowing what you want in a partner means being honest with yourself. When a potential mate shows a side of himself that doesn’t sit right with you, pay attention.  

“All guys will reveal enough information about themselves by the fourth date,” says Rachel Sussman, relationship expert and author of "The Break-Up Bible." “If you notice red flags and still go forward, hoping for someone to change, or for a different outcome, you are setting yourself up for a bad breakup.”

Experts agree that a healthy relationship isn't one-sided. If you find that you make all the plans, he hasn’t introduced you to his family or friends, or he doesn’t consistently make himself available to you, don’t make excuses. Instead, take notice.

“When a man says he isn’t interested in a serious relationship or marriage, believe him,” says dating and relationship expert Julie Spira, also a best-selling author and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com.

If deep down, you know things aren't as great as you'd like them to be, stop telling yourself that they will change. According to YourTango expert and dating coach Ronnie Ryan, "Women seem to think things will get better with time, but that is so not true."


Women who ignore their relationship reservations do so at their own risk. Some may feel like they are overreacting or being silly, but when it comes to finding your partner in life, you can’t afford to ignore your intuition.

“We might feel so in love that we are willing to do almost anything, which includes lying to ourselves,” says Amy Laurent, a New York City-based matchmaker and star of Bravo TV’s "Miss Advised." “Unfortunately, that is a very toxic approach to love, life and anything else that might otherwise lead to happiness.”

In most cases, it shouldn’t take long for your instincts to kick in. “After three to four dates, you should know if trouble is brewing,” says Sussman.“If it is, RUN!”


Fear of the unknown often leads women to cling to a so-so relationship, says dating and relationship coach Dr. Joe Amoia, who is also a YourTango expert."They are afraid that if they let this one go, they may never be able to find what it is they want," he says. "So instead of making the decision which is in their best long term interest, many women settle."

Other women struggle with the fear of being alone, and would rather spend their time in a less-than-ideal relationship to avoid attending holiday celebrations and social gatherings by themselves.

However, avoiding reality is no way to find a healthy romance. "When you honor yourself by being true to what you know is right and let go, that is the time you have the best chance of connecting with a new and better man," Ryan, who is also the author of "MANifesting Mr. Right" says.


Clinging to the wrong relationship won’t do you any favors in the long run, experts say.

“Most women and men will not cut the cord because they have become so dependent on the other person for their happiness that they no longer know who they are, or worse, love who they are,” says Your Tango expert Larry Michel, who is also host of "The Larry Love Show.”

Once you have determined that your relationship will not lead to long-term romance, move on. Being honest with yourself will only open the door to a better partner down the road.

“Do you really want to waste one more minute hiding from getting what you want by latching on to what's comfortable?” asks Laurent. “If you do, you'll be in this same position for the rest of your life until it's too late.”