| December 17, 2012

You've had a long day and need some time to unwind. What is the first activity you are drawn to do? For most people, it's Facebook, much to the dismay of their significant others and to the detriment of their romantic relationships.

It's not that Facebook itself is a harmful way of interacting with others; it is the addictive behavior that hooks people into losing big chunks of time, gazing at the lives of others that becomes very problematic in love.

As a recent study cited, it is a cycle which probably starts casually then balloons into a habit that leads to sleep deprivation, and ultimately to a lack of emotional and physical intimacy. This research is a wake up call to the importance of keeping our relationships at the forefront of our priority lists. After all, no person is immune to potential idols. They can come in all packages, including habitual, late-night Facebook gazing.

The best preventive measure for keeping benign interests from becoming dangerous hazards in love is to take proactive steps toward achieving relationship goals. Being in a stage of daydreaming and mindless activity night after night will lead you away from the strong, close connection you want to maintain in your relationship.

So what does a so-called harmless pastime like Facebooking have to do with the direction of one's life? It is a symptom of a larger issue of non-directional living. If Facebook is a daily habit, it is a means of emotional escape. It will not increase value in your life.

What you do with your time does have consequences; nothing is frivolous. Your thoughts control your life. They are not stagnant. Rather, you move move in the direction you meditate on. 

A nightly dose of the lives of acquaintances is a passive way to disconnect with your immediate, intimate relationships. That extra time would be better spend deepening those connections which would lead to a more enriching and fulfilling life. What you do with your time does matter and will lead to particular consequences.

The flow of your life choices works like this:

  • Thoughts lead to actions;
  • Actions lead to the formation of habits;
  • Habits shape character; and
  • Character determines your destiny.

Being goal oriented in your personal life is just as important as your career aspirations. When you make the decision to sit in front of your computer, clicking on one "friend" after another, checking out random postings, ask yourself, will the time I spend on reading this information take me where I want to go in life and love?

When you know where you have been in love, how you got there and where you want to go now, you can achieve the dreams and desires of your heart. Right love is an attainable goal with planning, starting with embracing thoughts and actions which line up with where you want to go. Regular nightly Facebook surfing does not lead to an abundant life, rich in emotional connectedness to those you love.