Is Your Partner's Bad Attitude Ruining Your Relationship?
Relationships work the best when both people are happy, positive and optimistic, but life doesn’t always work that way. There are bound to be times when you or your partner find yourselves in a bad mood, and when that happens, it’s best to just deal with it and move on. However, If your partner is negative, self-defeating, or prone to acting like a wet-blanket more and more often, it can really put a strain on a relationship.
So how should you handle your significant other’s bad attitude, especially when they're still a good, decent person?
Patience, says Lori Bizzoco, the founder of CupidsPulse.com. “[Patience] is key to a successful and healthy relationship. It is best to first gain perspective about what they may be going through to better understand the situation.”
Sometimes, they may not even realize how their attitude is impacting you — so it’s important to not take it personally right off the bat.
"You have to take the good with the not so good when it comes to a partnership and love," says psychologist Jeff Gardere. “Try to determine why they are [being] a ‘wet blanket.' Is it because they're just boring, or have a personality issue? Perhaps they're dealing with a situation which is limiting their ability to interact in certain ways.”
Note that these are issues that should first be addressed in private: If your partner is being a dud during dinner with friends, table the discussion until you can talk about it in private.
"Don’t have the conversation at a social gathering or when out,“ says Sujeiry Gonzalez, relationship columnist and host of Love Sujeiry on SiriusXM. “To bite your tongue, remember all the good things about him or her."
While some of your partner's actions are forgivable traits of their personality, there are certain negative actions that should not be overlooked. For example, your partner may be a little boring to bring around friends, but pay attention to how they’re treating the people close to you: “If your significant other is nasty when in a funky mood, it’s an indication they don’t know how to deal with conflict or treat people with respect," says Gonzalez. "This may transpire in other aspects of your relationship."
Furthermore, Gardere notes four scenarios where you may need to consider dumping your partner if their bad attitude starts really impacting you: If they show absolutely no regard for you as their partner; if they start blaming everyone else on a continual basis for their behaviors; if they don’t even recognize their own behavior; and if they absolutely refuse to discuss the issues or engage in therapeutic care to get a positive attitude.
Let’s face it, nobody wants to be with a constant party-pooper or Debbie-downer all the time — especially because that attitude is bound to rub off.
“A large portion of our well-being rests in the hands of those surrounding us," says Bizzoco. "When people closest to us are negative all the time, we may start to adopt the same negative feelings. Therefore, this behavior greatly impacts our relationship."
So unless you’re sulking together, two negative people do not make for a good relationship. Someone (or both of you) needs to be willing to change.